There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
