Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
