Need sex. Gaining weight.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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