matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
