i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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