Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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