why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
