At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
