i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
