dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
