he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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