Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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