Will you blow on my dice?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
