I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just had sex on a roof
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
