she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
