I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
