Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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