So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So apparently I’m into choking now
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
