i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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