Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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