You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
