so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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