I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
