I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
