Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
