Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
