I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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