"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
