Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
