That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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