he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
