oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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