im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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