better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
