i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
