I'm jealous of your bromance
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
