Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
