That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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