Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
