i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
