This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
