Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
