# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
