that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
