I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
