I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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