You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
