If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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