The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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