420 ftw
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
